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The Tim Burton directed Dark Shadows is gorgeous to look at. Everyone wears period clothing from the 1790’s and 1970’s made from luxurious fabrics with a palette ranging from the brightest of reds to the deepest black. Exquisite jewelry, whether high Gothic or 70’s macrame, is worn in every scene. Collinswood, the family mansion, teems with elaborate wood carvings and details, hidden places, inside a massively imposing exterior. Everyone is a glorious shade of pale, from ivory to alabaster. Film Sloth recalls the ’70’s as Coppertone tan days, but in Burton’s version this sloth would’ve fit right in.
By the way, this film has very little to do with the original TV program it’s “based on.” In fact, this film doesn’t seem too definite about what it does have to do with, which makes is unfortunate. This could have delivered something of note.
The film begins in ye olden days, showing the origins of a curse, the dark shadow that looms over the Collins family. It is accomplished in a concise, visually stunning manner. Barnabas Collins (Johnny Depp), the son of a happy, wealthy family, dallies unwisely but too well with Angelique (Eva Green), a servant who pursues him with preternatural focus, which makes sense since she is a witch. However, Barnabas falls in love with Josette (Bella Heathcote), a gamine waif with big saucer eyes straight out of anime. Angelique’s jealous curses kill everyone Barnabas loves and makes him a vampire, locked and chained in a buried casket. This is all tragic and lovely, nobody could out-doom Burton with a doomed romance.
The film then moves smoothly to 1972, focusing on the journey of a 20th century gamine waif, Victoria (Bella Heathcote), who looks exactly like Josette. We follow her travel to Maine, to apply for a position as a nanny at Collinswood. Her eyes are large and haunting, there is a beautiful sadness about her. The Moody Blues’ “Knights in White Satin” plays as we watch her and get immersed in the era. It strangely moving, and puts one in the mood for an overwrought tale of love straight from Byron.
However, the movie begins to shift in tone after Barnabas is inadverdently freed from his coffin by construction workers. As he meets the last in the Collins line, headed by Elizabeth (Michelle Pfieffer, looking fabulous), the tone jumps and nearly achieves 1970’s-worthy camp. The period music, used to powerful effect with Victoria’s journey, misses more than hits and heightens the camp. I found myself wishing for a movie that might have been, without the jokey jokes. Yes, some were amusing, but it still felt off. In all this Barnabas attempts to help the family return to its former, elevated state and various shenanigans ensue, including a ball headlined by Alice Cooper, obviously.
A brief observation for those from back in the day. The ’70s are evoked here just as well as they were in the film Super 8, it’s like looking into the past. The initial switch in cinematography from the dark 1790’s to the earth-toned 1970’s was stunning. Completely nailed the look not only of the 70’s but also of films of the 70’s. Bravo.
Chloe Moretz plays Elizabeth’s sneering, surly 15-year-old daughter, Carolyn, representing the disenchantment of youth and the Me Decade. Elizabeth’s greedy, seedy brother Roger is played convincingly by Jonny Lee Miller in the finest of polyester leisure suits. His earnest young son, David, is played earnestly by Gulliver McGrath. The ever-entertaining Helena Bonham Carter plays David’s boozy psychiatrist Dr. Hoffman, who is obstensibly helping him to mourn his dead mother while wearing unfortunate jumpers and smoking like a French floozy. Jackie Earl Haley, a 70’s film star who could be seen in edgy by today’s standards fare like The Bad News Bears and God Bless the Beasts and Children*, plays Mr. Loomis, the Renfield to Depp’s Dracula. Congrats to him on his much deserved career resurgence. All play their parts well, are fun to watch, but again, I wish they were in a movie that might have been.
Long story short, Angelique is alive and sort of well and learns of Barnabas’ return. She also learns that just like before, he lusts for her but will never love her like he does another, in this case Victoria, Josette’s doppleganger. They have a strenuous, supernatural romp that destroys a room. But, she is empty inside, a narcissistic psychopath, who confuses possession with love. She is played with gleeful malice by Eva Green, although at times when she attempted to sound evil she sounded like something inhuman out of The Exorcist. Yes she is an evil witch but it was a bit distracting, I saw this with Grandma Sloth and she often couldn’t understand her, even with her hearing aids in.
The inevitable CGI grand finale battle between good and evil felt like another jump in tone, which lowered the stakes (sorry) and made the film watching experience worse by flashing glimpses of what might have been.
Overall, it’s worth seeing for the visuals alone. The little things. The way Burton composes a scene. The colors and textures. It was enjoyable but could have been grand. Burton and Depp didn’t aim high enough.
*DO NOT watch 1971’s God Bless the Beasts and Children unprepared – it put me in a funk for days when I was young. OK weeks. Basically, a group of misfit outcast ignored-by-parents teen boys at a summer camp are rejected by peers and camp adults as major losers. They find a purpose after their totally legit counselor shows them a bunch of corralled bison be shot and killed as part of a population control initiative. They will free the bison. This does not go well, because this is a film from the 70’s about children. Cheesy, vivid and unsettling in a quintessential 1970’s way. You’ve been warned.
Random Thoughts: (Things Film Sloth thought about after writing the review but was too lazy to make part of it.)
1) What kind of deal has Johnny Depp made with the Devil for eternal youth? Almost disturbing to look at, and not just because of the vampire thing.
2) If they ever use the Enchantress as a Thor villain Eva Green should be a candidate. Who is this Enchantress, you ask? Am I the only one who read comics around here? OK, Thor spurns the Enchantress’ love because she’s evil, which makes her vow to either make him love her or kill him. Basically the same thing as in this film, but with a ridiculous costume. You’re welcome.
3) I want all of Michelle Pfieffer’s necklaces. All. Of. Them.
Film Sloth 